October 1, 2011 – Song 330 (Day 34)

Everyone. Looks. Like. Babies! ♥

Song 330 (Day 34)

I still remember the day this video was filmed.

I was sick as a dog, with the dog. I actually don’t get sick very often, but whenever I do give in, forget about it dude. I get SICK. I go into a fever state and can sleep for 24 hours straight. Well, I can sleep until the dog gets in my face and makes a demand anyway.

But you know what’s weird? Whenever I do get sick like that the dog actually gets as close to me as he can. It doesn’t seem to bother him that it’s boring. In fact, he always seems determined to cuddle up and help make a hotpocket with the comforter.

Maybe it’s good for you to have a fever once in a while.

So needless to say I am not in it. I had been planning on holding up “Dirty” by Sonic Youth and fashioning up an EAT ME Stones shirt ala Kim Gordon in the 100% video.

Which is funny, because if you told some of the dudes in THIS video that ten years later they would be in a band with one of people IN Sonic Youth, I doubt they’d have believed you. But that’s just how it works. In no way that you can predict. No matter how hard you try. Trust me on that one.

My friend Claire is also not in this video. She was living in Prague at the time and also she wasn’t my friend, yet. She was my then boyfriend’s friend.

We met later that year. In Prague. When I went on tour with my boyfriend’s band.

Ten years later she is still one of my very best friends.

What is also weird is that I met my then boyfriend a year or so before that when I was in Prague. I had gone on a two-week trip with my college to do an arts exchange program. We partnered with a school there and took over an abandoned theater, creating installations from the debris. I still have a mark on the bottom of my foot from where a rusty nail went through my tennis shoe and a bomb shelter sign I found in the rubble.

A friend and I, having had enough of the group travel mentality, saw that the 90 Day Men were playing in nearby Dresden and decided to take an overnight trip. I don’t remember her name but she was from a “Floater” community in Iowa. (Don’t even ask.)

But I knew a couple of the guys in the band and since this was before pocket internet, we just showed up. I can still remember the look on Rob Lowe’s face when we walked in the door. He looked at me strangely for a second, like “Hmm. That looks like Sarah.” And then looked away. He then turned back and was like “What the hell!” It was actually really funny. He’s a pretty animated dude when he’s surprised.

A couple of years before THAT, I was living in Krakow, Poland with my friend Urszula. I was a student. My friend Jeremy came to visit me and at one point we took a trip to Prague.

While there, in a matchbox sized antique store (Jeremy was/is crazy for old cameras) we ran into Johnny Depp. Yuuuup. He looked like a backpacker stoner and said he was in town to film a Jack the Ripper rip-off movie. Which is funny, because when I got back to the States, “Chocolat” had just come out.

I guess I thought he had just been yanking our chains. But a couple of months later I got a phone call from a very excited Jeremy exclaiming that he saw a poster on the side of the bus for “From Hell”. Johhny Depp don’t tell no lies.

And here we are in this year. The one in which I was the Minister at my friend Jeremy’s wedding. Tada. ♥

I guess the point is, you simply cannot predict how it works.

It just does.

I wouldn’t even be telling you this story tonight if a certain clock hadn’t caught my eye in a music video by INXS. Literally.

So what is there to worry about?

It’s just going to go how it goes, if you let it go.

Who the fuck needs Kevin Bacon anyway? ♥

(Except for in Footloose. I NEED him in Footloose. A lot.)

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September 30, 2011 – Song Song 331 (Day 35)

I have gone number two in a Jewel bag stretched over a bucket because there was no working plumbing.

More. Than. Once. Song 331 (Day 35)

Liz Phair – Divorce Song

I wasn’t planning on this but I am going to tell you something very, very personal tonight.

It just happens to me sometimes. And I don’t really know why.

Maybe because I want to try and explain how low you can go.

And show you that there is always a way back up again.

I guess I should feel embarrassed.

About more than the Jewel bag. But I just don’t.

Although it does help that the VHS copy of my student art films seems to have gone blank.

•••••••

I used to live in a haunted house.

The walls used to mock me by not moving. And the floorboards used to moan under my feet. Every single god damn tile and all of the grout in between. The kitchen counter and each window pane. The whiteness of the bathtub making echoes out of the dull hum coming from inside each electrical outlet.

My bedroom door even shut differently than all the others.

Because it wasn’t hollow.

Because it wasn’t supposed to be the door I slept behind.

I, was supposed to sleep upstairs.

•••••••

Several years ago now I came to own a house that was a wreck inside. I took it down to the studs, down to the skeleton, down to almost nothing, and built it back again, with my very own hands.

And I didn’t do it alone.

Imagine being in your bed, with your eyes closed, knowing that if you opened them you’d be surrounded.

By the ghosts of Home Depot days gone by.

It used to frighten me so much that it took almost a half a bottle of Tequila to shut them up.

I’m not proud of that, but well, that’s how it went down.

•••••••

Laughing in this house means more to me than you can ever know.

And that’s the reason I celebrate every single thing that makes me smile.

Worse things than that will happen to me someday.

That’s how it works.

But for now, please don’t tell anyone that I don’t own this record.

Just make a joke and show me that video you made in college instead. ♥

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September 29, 2011 – Song 330 (Day 36)

I could say this:
Your choose your best friends because they make you face your true self.

But because I crack myself up, instead I say:
Nothing like spending time with your inside magnets to remind you why the desert once ruled your dreams.

It’s annoying right?

Well, not quite as annoying as a funny little snarky fish smoking all your cigarettes and telling you…

Forget about the water. ♥ Song 330 (Day 36)

Today the first human I talked to, a stranger, told me that his friend in the FBI said they get most of their info on a new suspect from Facebook. Which made me laugh.

You can guess why, I’d assume.

But what do I have to hide? I’ll tell you anything. And have. That I smoke? (considering quitting) That I swear a lot? (fuck that is gonna be hard to stop) That I think a lot of weird ideas? So do lots of people I know. It’s a free country, right?

If the USA wanted to bust me for something what could they even pull out of this pile of fruit loops?

But then a post I saw the other day crossed my mind.

Don’t Bogart the can man.

What if that really was it. As silly as it seems. What if that was the thing most peaceful people could legitimately be arrested for according to the current laws? Not even if you had actually done it?

Guilt by association. Guilt by a friendship.

Guilt by a funny comment.

Just enough something, to have a reason.

Listen man, I might be into a lot of stuff, but conspiracy theories are not one of them.

You figure it out. And report back. But not on Facebook.

In fact, send me a postcard, stoner. ♥

Shit, now you’re in for.

Oh shit.

What do people say instead of Shit?

I really don’t think people are going to take me seriously if I say Shazbot instead.

Crap is still ok, right? Even my Mom says that.

(I’d say ‘Sorry Mom’ but she says that one. A lot. ♥)

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September 28, 2011 – Song 329 (Day 37)

I woke up the other day longing for the Winter.

Like not the good part even. The empty, silent, when you have almost had too much, spend your days hibernating and planning your escape from the Midwest, sunless, barren, middle earth part.

That stretch when the snow has gone gray and it seems like it’s dark all day.

Well, I guess that is it. I am officially a nut.

I actually woke up that day thinking about something else too.

It’s so lame I hesitate to write it even. That’s a laugh.

I was contemplating The Facebook Me Vs. The Twitter Me. I kept thinking about the difference in the ways people interact with me or what people can see. There are people who know me in person. And there are people who know me only on here. Some people know me in every way and there are also people who I am friends with on Twitter and I can’t even tell if they are a boy or a girl. Some are just robots even.

Some people who literally used to wipe my butt and some people I no longer speak to in person.

It’s weird right?

I heard something the other day about a friend I love that I fucking hate. In fact, I still have a hard time believing they actually once upon a time did this thing. But all signs point to it being the case. It is so out of their character in a way that it almost seems like they had to do it somehow.

Like it was out of their control. Like if they didn’t do this awful thing then something else, that had been brewing, something that needed to fall apart somewhere, wouldn’t have happened.

As if it was a part they had to play.

Or maybe I am just a mental baby and I have to think up weird explanations so I don’t have to face the fact that people just do really shitty ass things sometimes and we never get any smarter. Myself included.

••••••

This last weekend my friend Mere was freaking herself out by guessing where things were in my Mother’s kitchen. They are both Libras. And they act like it to.

I just sat there watching her opening cabinets and say things like, “Yup. There’s the Soft Scrub. Exactly what I would buy and exactly where I would put it. Oh good and there is the sponge that is just for the Soft Scrub riiiight next to it. Now how about the baking sheets? Yup. Not to far from the oven but closer to the…”

If it makes you feel any better I think your similar heights as human beings are also a factor. Shelf wise.

And if that don’t work maybe this here jar of Dilly Beans will do the trick? ♥

Lately I have been wondering if we find these people out there, not just our Mothers or our Fathers but other people too. Like a repeating play but with different words and different people but the exact same High School Drama Club all over again. We just don’t want to believe that is all there is.

Or maybe that’s liberating.

Like, this is as dumb as high school. Your life, right now, is as silly then as it is silly now. Somebody just told you it wasn’t. Sure you learn things with experience, but you could still get hit by a bus. Tomorrow.

So just do whatever. And try not to be a jerk. Someday you will have to look back on now too and you will cringe at the things you have done. And all the things you haven’t.

Maybe we never really get any older, it just gets harder and harder to forget to remember.

•••••••

I have known my Mother since my beginning of days and I am well aware of how annoying I am.

So, I have long been giving her “presents” to make up for it.

And now I am compelled to give another Libra a present for the same exact reason.

You’d think I would just stop being annoying instead.

But I just don’t think it is in the cards. ♥

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September 27, 2011 – Song Song 328 (Day 38)

What makes three women in a car spontaneously go “UGH!” at the exact same time?

The first note of this song.

Trust me. Heard this here phenomenon with my own eyes.

Song 328. (Day 38)

Why are we like this? I don’t know. And I don’t care. ♥

When we all yell “Sax Solo!” together later, well that is just the icing on the cake.

This video is the reason I have upgraded one of the plans in the Frier Factory from having a dream of hosting the Mtv show “120 Minutes” to hosting an hour long internet video show where I can play anything I want. I’m gonna have to do it on the internet. No one would ever let me do something that weird on a real channel.

Months ago my friend Jason told me one night at the bar that he “checked in” everyday with me and another friend who’s political worldview he trusts. Like some kind of Nutso News Network.

I don’t know what to make of that. Except that I was flattered. By a dude telling me he looked at my Facebook profile like a Weatherman.

Humiliating right? That I would be flattered? By Facebook.

I guess beauty is where you find it indeed.

You may have noticed a numerical change. It is a countdown now for me too. I figured Jesus wouldn’t mind if I janked that whole 40 days thing. In fact he is supposed to love me no matter what I do, if I’m not mistaken. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s his whole thing. No matter what anyone says.

That’s what he said.

Besides 4 is my lucky number anyway.

I was born on the 4th Day of the 4th Month.

The year be damned.

•••••••
“I shun father and mother and wife and brother when my genius calls me. I would write on the lintels of the door-post, Whim. I hope that it is somewhat better than whim at last, but we cannot spend the day in explanation.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Waldo never explained that was more of a cautionary tale than a mantra.

The Significance of 40 Days.

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OK. THIS IS PATHETIC. I KNOW.

I need to update in a terrible way. If you are dying to see posts then just friend me on Facebook. The train has been rolling I just haven’t been keeping good records.

Sorry! It’s on the To Do List.

But I got you this so you wouldn’t be mad at me.

UNICORNS

 

 

 

 

 

 

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July 6, 2011 – Song 244

Why wouldn’t God want you to Giggle?

Song 244.

At the end of a book I recently finished, the author states how important it is for a person who feels like they have found something to do their best to share it. And it’s not that I don’t think that is true, it’s just sometimes, well, it’s fucking embarrassing.

However, I decided it was go time this weekend when I finally read the last chapter.

Much to my surprise this dude wrapped his book up by telling a story that takes place in the very place I was, about ten years ago. It’s a time I have been thinking about a lot lately because that was the point in my life when I spent a good portion of my free time reading books about things that have since landed in my lap all over again, although in a slightly different package.

At that time, so long ago, I was devouring books about Buddhism in between Polish language classes in Kazimierz, the Jewish district of Krakow, Poland. I have only really lived a couple of places on this planet and well, randomly, that’s one of them.

But that’s not the story I think I am supposed to share. Not tonight anyway. The one I can’t help but think of happened more recently, quite a bit closer to home.

•••••••

A little more than a month ago, I had a whirlwind of a weekend. It was jam packed full of people I love and although it was intense, I am delighted to have been a part of it.
For three days my life was flooded with friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in years.

Day one was a backyard party at my house, something which I have been shying away from sharing. And the next day was the reason. A seemingly effortless (although I know it took a lot of work!) wedding between two people who have been in love for so long it almost seems silly that they needed me to legally marry them. They are such a great couple that I think almost everyone there had sort of forgotten they weren’t already. ♥

The very next morning I woke up early and braved a monsoon, to make it to a hidden suburban golf course, dripping on the floor wet, to a baby shower for one of my very oldest friends. As they say, Hell or High water babe. ♥

Now conveniently for me, all of these festivities took place very close to the town in which I grew up. Not the least of which, was that my parents had been taking care of my dog.
When the whirlwind stopped, there I was, alone in my car, trying to get my phone to tell me where the hell I was.

Which is funny, I guess, because in reality, I was lost, less than ten miles from where I grew up.

So there I am, in my car, now physically dry, thanks in part to the blow dryer in the ladies locker room, making my own monsoon. I didn’t even realize I was crying until the car behind me honked. I composed myself and waved them past, drying my eyes and almost laughing out loud when my phone finally showed me just how close I was to a road I have been down at least one million times.

I sat there for a second, not quite ready to move, letting it all wash over me. I had managed to forget until that very second, just how I had spent Memorial Day weekend, just one year ago.

It was very hard, sitting there, to not feel like life had forgotten me. Milestones were fucking flying around and here I was heading to my parents house to collect, what we jokingly refer to, as their only grandchild.

Maybe it was the sound of my tiny violins that made me notice I didn’t even have the radio on. I never ever do that, ever, unless I am on the phone. But just hours ago, I had been.

Calling to say, although I was late, I was still coming, and by the way how the fuck do you get into the parking lot? A call that killed me to make, because during a dark time in my life, I managed to forget to show up to this, now very pregnant friend’s, wedding shower. Something that I had been immediately forgiven for by everyone involved, except of course, myself.

This was the song on the radio when I finally turned it on.

I see no other logical explanation, if you will, other than God knew I needed a goddamned laugh.

•••••••

A couple of months ago I blew several gift cards on Amazon buying pretty much any book on Synchronicity that caught my eye and have since been, one by one, taking them down.

If you are anything like me, your relationship with that word is pretty much defined by the band The Police. And honestly, until pretty recently, I kind of thought it was a word that Sting had made up. And until even more recently, I didn’t know that this song was not the title track of the record.

But maybe it fits me even more this way. Synchronicity II.

That is, if I really am getting any closer to whatever it was that I was sitting in all of those years ago.

So anyway, if you are reading this, then you know how to find me. And I have all kinds of books you can borrow.

If you are so inclined. ♥

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