September 28, 2011 – Song 329 (Day 37)

I woke up the other day longing for the Winter.

Like not the good part even. The empty, silent, when you have almost had too much, spend your days hibernating and planning your escape from the Midwest, sunless, barren, middle earth part.

That stretch when the snow has gone gray and it seems like it’s dark all day.

Well, I guess that is it. I am officially a nut.

I actually woke up that day thinking about something else too.

It’s so lame I hesitate to write it even. That’s a laugh.

I was contemplating The Facebook Me Vs. The Twitter Me. I kept thinking about the difference in the ways people interact with me or what people can see. There are people who know me in person. And there are people who know me only on here. Some people know me in every way and there are also people who I am friends with on Twitter and I can’t even tell if they are a boy or a girl. Some are just robots even.

Some people who literally used to wipe my butt and some people I no longer speak to in person.

It’s weird right?

I heard something the other day about a friend I love that I fucking hate. In fact, I still have a hard time believing they actually once upon a time did this thing. But all signs point to it being the case. It is so out of their character in a way that it almost seems like they had to do it somehow.

Like it was out of their control. Like if they didn’t do this awful thing then something else, that had been brewing, something that needed to fall apart somewhere, wouldn’t have happened.

As if it was a part they had to play.

Or maybe I am just a mental baby and I have to think up weird explanations so I don’t have to face the fact that people just do really shitty ass things sometimes and we never get any smarter. Myself included.

••••••

This last weekend my friend Mere was freaking herself out by guessing where things were in my Mother’s kitchen. They are both Libras. And they act like it to.

I just sat there watching her opening cabinets and say things like, “Yup. There’s the Soft Scrub. Exactly what I would buy and exactly where I would put it. Oh good and there is the sponge that is just for the Soft Scrub riiiight next to it. Now how about the baking sheets? Yup. Not to far from the oven but closer to the…”

If it makes you feel any better I think your similar heights as human beings are also a factor. Shelf wise.

And if that don’t work maybe this here jar of Dilly Beans will do the trick? ♥

Lately I have been wondering if we find these people out there, not just our Mothers or our Fathers but other people too. Like a repeating play but with different words and different people but the exact same High School Drama Club all over again. We just don’t want to believe that is all there is.

Or maybe that’s liberating.

Like, this is as dumb as high school. Your life, right now, is as silly then as it is silly now. Somebody just told you it wasn’t. Sure you learn things with experience, but you could still get hit by a bus. Tomorrow.

So just do whatever. And try not to be a jerk. Someday you will have to look back on now too and you will cringe at the things you have done. And all the things you haven’t.

Maybe we never really get any older, it just gets harder and harder to forget to remember.

•••••••

I have known my Mother since my beginning of days and I am well aware of how annoying I am.

So, I have long been giving her “presents” to make up for it.

And now I am compelled to give another Libra a present for the same exact reason.

You’d think I would just stop being annoying instead.

But I just don’t think it is in the cards. ♥

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September 27, 2011 – Song Song 328 (Day 38)

What makes three women in a car spontaneously go “UGH!” at the exact same time?

The first note of this song.

Trust me. Heard this here phenomenon with my own eyes.

Song 328. (Day 38)

Why are we like this? I don’t know. And I don’t care. ♥

When we all yell “Sax Solo!” together later, well that is just the icing on the cake.

This video is the reason I have upgraded one of the plans in the Frier Factory from having a dream of hosting the Mtv show “120 Minutes” to hosting an hour long internet video show where I can play anything I want. I’m gonna have to do it on the internet. No one would ever let me do something that weird on a real channel.

Months ago my friend Jason told me one night at the bar that he “checked in” everyday with me and another friend who’s political worldview he trusts. Like some kind of Nutso News Network.

I don’t know what to make of that. Except that I was flattered. By a dude telling me he looked at my Facebook profile like a Weatherman.

Humiliating right? That I would be flattered? By Facebook.

I guess beauty is where you find it indeed.

You may have noticed a numerical change. It is a countdown now for me too. I figured Jesus wouldn’t mind if I janked that whole 40 days thing. In fact he is supposed to love me no matter what I do, if I’m not mistaken. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s his whole thing. No matter what anyone says.

That’s what he said.

Besides 4 is my lucky number anyway.

I was born on the 4th Day of the 4th Month.

The year be damned.

•••••••
“I shun father and mother and wife and brother when my genius calls me. I would write on the lintels of the door-post, Whim. I hope that it is somewhat better than whim at last, but we cannot spend the day in explanation.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Waldo never explained that was more of a cautionary tale than a mantra.

The Significance of 40 Days.

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OK. THIS IS PATHETIC. I KNOW.

I need to update in a terrible way. If you are dying to see posts then just friend me on Facebook. The train has been rolling I just haven’t been keeping good records.

Sorry! It’s on the To Do List.

But I got you this so you wouldn’t be mad at me.

UNICORNS

 

 

 

 

 

 

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July 6, 2011 – Song 244

Why wouldn’t God want you to Giggle?

Song 244.

At the end of a book I recently finished, the author states how important it is for a person who feels like they have found something to do their best to share it. And it’s not that I don’t think that is true, it’s just sometimes, well, it’s fucking embarrassing.

However, I decided it was go time this weekend when I finally read the last chapter.

Much to my surprise this dude wrapped his book up by telling a story that takes place in the very place I was, about ten years ago. It’s a time I have been thinking about a lot lately because that was the point in my life when I spent a good portion of my free time reading books about things that have since landed in my lap all over again, although in a slightly different package.

At that time, so long ago, I was devouring books about Buddhism in between Polish language classes in Kazimierz, the Jewish district of Krakow, Poland. I have only really lived a couple of places on this planet and well, randomly, that’s one of them.

But that’s not the story I think I am supposed to share. Not tonight anyway. The one I can’t help but think of happened more recently, quite a bit closer to home.

•••••••

A little more than a month ago, I had a whirlwind of a weekend. It was jam packed full of people I love and although it was intense, I am delighted to have been a part of it.
For three days my life was flooded with friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen in years.

Day one was a backyard party at my house, something which I have been shying away from sharing. And the next day was the reason. A seemingly effortless (although I know it took a lot of work!) wedding between two people who have been in love for so long it almost seems silly that they needed me to legally marry them. They are such a great couple that I think almost everyone there had sort of forgotten they weren’t already. ♥

The very next morning I woke up early and braved a monsoon, to make it to a hidden suburban golf course, dripping on the floor wet, to a baby shower for one of my very oldest friends. As they say, Hell or High water babe. ♥

Now conveniently for me, all of these festivities took place very close to the town in which I grew up. Not the least of which, was that my parents had been taking care of my dog.
When the whirlwind stopped, there I was, alone in my car, trying to get my phone to tell me where the hell I was.

Which is funny, I guess, because in reality, I was lost, less than ten miles from where I grew up.

So there I am, in my car, now physically dry, thanks in part to the blow dryer in the ladies locker room, making my own monsoon. I didn’t even realize I was crying until the car behind me honked. I composed myself and waved them past, drying my eyes and almost laughing out loud when my phone finally showed me just how close I was to a road I have been down at least one million times.

I sat there for a second, not quite ready to move, letting it all wash over me. I had managed to forget until that very second, just how I had spent Memorial Day weekend, just one year ago.

It was very hard, sitting there, to not feel like life had forgotten me. Milestones were fucking flying around and here I was heading to my parents house to collect, what we jokingly refer to, as their only grandchild.

Maybe it was the sound of my tiny violins that made me notice I didn’t even have the radio on. I never ever do that, ever, unless I am on the phone. But just hours ago, I had been.

Calling to say, although I was late, I was still coming, and by the way how the fuck do you get into the parking lot? A call that killed me to make, because during a dark time in my life, I managed to forget to show up to this, now very pregnant friend’s, wedding shower. Something that I had been immediately forgiven for by everyone involved, except of course, myself.

This was the song on the radio when I finally turned it on.

I see no other logical explanation, if you will, other than God knew I needed a goddamned laugh.

•••••••

A couple of months ago I blew several gift cards on Amazon buying pretty much any book on Synchronicity that caught my eye and have since been, one by one, taking them down.

If you are anything like me, your relationship with that word is pretty much defined by the band The Police. And honestly, until pretty recently, I kind of thought it was a word that Sting had made up. And until even more recently, I didn’t know that this song was not the title track of the record.

But maybe it fits me even more this way. Synchronicity II.

That is, if I really am getting any closer to whatever it was that I was sitting in all of those years ago.

So anyway, if you are reading this, then you know how to find me. And I have all kinds of books you can borrow.

If you are so inclined. ♥

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July 4, 2011 – Song 242

It is possible that I was driving around rural Wisconsin today listening to contemporary country radio and that this song made me cry a little.

No one was there to see it though, so it is also possible that didn’t actually happen.

Happy Birthday America! Song 242.

 

Oh man Lee Ann. That is the worst dress EVER. Please be careful holding that child to your bosom for fear you cut her face on that weird band of rhinestones.

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July 3, 2011 – Song 241

Jack & Diane always seem to send me to the same place.

Song 241.

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July 2, 2011 – Song 240

I spent the evening hanging out with my cousin Ariah.

We used to see each other a lot more when we were small.

She’s a nurse now. One time she irrigated a patient’s ear because it was bothering them and a bunch of wax came out. And also, a dead spider. I asked what she did then and she said “Mmmm. I just played it cool.”

Ariah and her sister Javonne made up a secret language that they still write in to this day. And when she calls Javonne likes to answer the phone “How many mics do I rip on the daily?”

It might not be by blood, but holy shit, we are so related.

Song 240. ♥

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July 1, 2011 – Song 239

The book I am reading said if I ever feel lost I should just chill out and wait for a guide to appear.

Sometimes I laugh about this stuff after I read it. Like, Ok, I’ll just wait here for an eagle to jump out of a cloud or something. But I usually try anyway. It’s not like I have a better plan.

Rhiannon didn’t do anything flashy though. She just said “Hi Sarah.”

Duh. Song 239.

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June 30, 2011 – Song 238

Being vulnerable is one of the toughest things you can do.

With love tonight, all the way from mi casa to su hacienda.

Personally, I think a dance party is always the right move. ♥ Song 238.

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June 29, 2011 – Song 237

So I have learned something recently. It would seem that old Mary Poppins was right. A spoonful of sugar really is the way to go.

If you make people laugh you can say almost anything.

For example, try THIS load of crap on for size. Song 237.

A strange book recently came into my world. It was written by Pete A. Sanders, an MIT professor, and it is about the other “senses”. According to him, there are actually Nine. Four beyond the ones we take for granted. Which is extra funny, because apparently the CIA doesn’t find them funny at all. In fact, they find them useful, and have for a while.

I’m not gonna bust all into it tonight, but I was struck by something a friend said earlier this evening. He was telling me about a situation at work and described his reaction in terms of his “insecurities”.

So I asked him where he got the words for his feelings. He didn’t know, exactly. Exactly. Someone, somewhere, once told him that if he felt weird or off, that he was just experiencing himself, in the real world, incorrectly. He was not secure. He was insecure. But what if he was exactly right instead? What if you removed the negative explanation already in his mind?

They are just words, that someone, once told him.

What if instead, he is actually gifted? Gifted at literally “feeling” the tension between coworkers? Gifted at being able to sense a fight that went down in a room that he entered moments later? Gifted at being able to read the things other people were not saying? Kind of changes the whole moment right? Instead of being ashamed, you’re one of the X-Men.

One of my favorite thoughts ever, came from the science historian James Burke. In so many words, he was talking about people making fun of the fact that humans once thought that the world was flat. Those dummies! But his response was “I wonder what it looked like when it was.”

At that time, the world might as well have been flat, the way most people once related to it.

I am proud to have once attended the Jagiellonian University in Krakow, Poland. A very long time ago, a man named Copernicus once studied there too. He was the person, although then it was considered blasphemy, who suggested the Earth wasn’t the center of the Universe.

Which is now normal. The standard. No one now denies that this planet spins around something else.

Sometimes I wonder what people will someday think of us.

So downright convinced that we are all little Suns.

Those dummies!

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