I mean it.
“All I ever wanted was to know was that you were dreaming.” – Stevie Nicks
So what exactly does a person say on a day like today?
Song 364 (Day 0)
On the Eve of a made up Holiday? Or on the Eve of an actual Holiday? On the Eve of nothing or maybe something? The day before some people plan on beginning a War? On the day you met Morrissey? On the day you attended a benefit for Girls Rock Chicago? I mean, how do you really FEEL about Thursdays anyway?
None of this means much to anyone anyway, if they don’t know why there is a light that will never go out. Or what it means to a little girl who traveled miles alone to hold a guitar for her first time. Or why a person feels compelled to “Remember, Remember the 5th of November.” If none of that rings a bell then maybe this means nothing. Or, maybe somehow, it does mean something.
So, if you’re me, you might as well start off with a simple reminder.
“I am terrible at Math.”
That is how, I am here at day Zero, still with one day to go.
And from there, I guess I just say whatever.
Don’t forget, it’s only Facebook.
This Non-Place that most people I know look at on a Semi-Regular Basis.
This slight turn, just past the fork, in the pretend road.
The pit stop. The gas station.
The little place in the middle of nowhere.
It all depends on how badly you need gas. Or a snack.
Or how badly you have to go pee.
It might mean nothing, or it might be a life saver.
Either way, here we are, together.
After you have procured yourself a computer. And established Internet Service. And registered your New Mailing Address with the Global Postal Service. Here you are, with me, Online. In our little town. Where we do exactly the same shit we always have done…just on a much, much larger scale.
We show each other pictures of the stuff we love. Our families and our kids and our homes and what we ate for dinner. We share information and we talk about current events. We make jokes. We make plans. We do business. We share joy and we share sadness. We show each other videos and sometimes we even play songs.
We. Make. Friends.
This might be the Futureworld.
But we have actually been at this for Centuries.
Just never the way you are experiencing it.
In your lifetime. In this lifetime.
The one we are in, no matter where life finds you on the surface of the planet.
It is still home. ♥
Here’s the thing. I only have three songs left. And part of me had decided what they might be. Especially, my last song.
But I made a rule a long time ago to only follow. To just go where that day went.
Condition Oakland indeed. Song 363 (Day 1)
There are many things that contributed to how I feel right now. It’s just like a math equation.
One Year Long.
+1 Many months ago I was stunned to discover that my beloved Chrissie Hynde had been a student at Kent State and was a friend of one of the people killed.
+1 I started reading things about the way you feel. And about the places your thoughts come from. Especially those that seem to come from nowhere. Like the one I had today, while walking the dog. “Two abroad and One at home.”
+1 I spent my birthday thinking about Dr. Martin Luther King, as has been my habit, since junior high when I noticed the line in the U2 song Pride. It seems that something terrible once happened on that day, ten years before I was born.
+1 There is a group of boys on my block that only get older. I watch them. They are small enough still to say things to like “Are you gonna pick that up?” But that day will pass. And then where do any of us go from there?
+1 I have been a part of and/or attended fundraisers this year to pay for: Medical Bills both for sick children and for women who were attacked on the streets I live on, for free After School Programs and Kids Camps all of which were set up by private individuals, for Sex Ed for teens, to Support Women’s Rights, to support Animal Rescue Organizations, to provide relief to people whose lives have been overturned by Natural Disasters the world over, to support various Environmental Causes and countless other things that the badass people I know are involved in. And don’t get me wrong, I love parties. But I have yet to attend any kind of function to pay for War, because apparently there is always plenty of money for that.
+1 I have watched strangers and friends being crushed by the housing market. And not because they did anything wrong. But because the market crumbled around them. And there is no relief to be had. No compromise and no bailout. I have also been a personal witness to how poorly large banks handle Foreclosure. From the mounds of paper work to the state of properties that they now own and do not properly mind to a bunch of people at a third party agency celebrating Halloween by dressing up as “Homeless Former Homeowners”.
+1 I have listened to more than one friend, ass deep in liquor, tell me how broke they are despite the fact they work 40 hours a week.
+1 I have listened to more than one friend, ass deep in liquor, tell me about how hard it is to find a job.
+1 I have watched things go down on Social Media that were not reported by the major news sources most people look at until it was SO public that they had to say something. And then a lot of them choose to say REALLY dumb shit.
+1 I have gotten in several Facebook “fights” with my beloved cousin, currently serving this country in Afghanistan. He is also disappointed with the Government, but we have very different views on the situation from there forward.
+1 I have watched a Peaceful Rally, in a major US city, thousands strong, fail to make headlines. And I have watched ones that turned violent spread through the Media like wildfire.
+1 I have been there while Protestors have had lovely conversations with the Police in my town, all of whom are facing budget cuts and closing stations.
+1 I have been there when other people chanted, “Fuck the Pigs” at those same cops.
+1 And, I have been told “how it is” more times than I can possibly count.
So, what does all of that equal? You. Tell. Me.
The only thing I know for certain is that it will all still be here when I get back. Sweet Jesus. ♥
The years go fast but the days go so slow.
That sentence has never left my head. Not since the day I first heard it.
To me, that’s poetry.
Song 362 (Day 2)
Ladydudes and Gentlemen, may I now present you with the one, the only…
Ms. Andrea Bauer.
November 6th, 2011 – November 6th, 2012.
“I wanted to do something, anything, but I didn’t know what to do. So I did this. This is my something.” –Jason Watt
Song 361 (Day 3)
A little while ago, I got a card in the mail. From my Mom. And that is what it said.
There are things I thought might happen if I kept a very public record of my life for one year. And being embarrassed was high on my list of possibilities. Par for the course I guess. I guess mostly, because I don’t play golf, so I am not really sure what that means.
But I assume it means that what comes along with what you do happens because of what you are doing.
I, for one, never thought that watching me complete a year, a difficult year, would mean so much to people. And never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would make someone say such lovely words.
“I’ll have what she’s having.”
One Post, for Every Single Day, of One Calendar Year.
You are officially up Ms. Bauer.
From the power vested in me by a giant pile of nonsense.
I can’t promise you an easy ride.
But I can tell you this.
You will end up somewhere you can’t even begin to dream of.
I had only planned on playing a song.
But if the words just start coming, here is my advice:
Let them. ♥