September 30, 2011 – Song Song 331 (Day 35)

I have gone number two in a Jewel bag stretched over a bucket because there was no working plumbing.

More. Than. Once. Song 331 (Day 35)

Liz Phair – Divorce Song

I wasn’t planning on this but I am going to tell you something very, very personal tonight.

It just happens to me sometimes. And I don’t really know why.

Maybe because I want to try and explain how low you can go.

And show you that there is always a way back up again.

I guess I should feel embarrassed.

About more than the Jewel bag. But I just don’t.

Although it does help that the VHS copy of my student art films seems to have gone blank.

•••••••

I used to live in a haunted house.

The walls used to mock me by not moving. And the floorboards used to moan under my feet. Every single god damn tile and all of the grout in between. The kitchen counter and each window pane. The whiteness of the bathtub making echoes out of the dull hum coming from inside each electrical outlet.

My bedroom door even shut differently than all the others.

Because it wasn’t hollow.

Because it wasn’t supposed to be the door I slept behind.

I, was supposed to sleep upstairs.

•••••••

Several years ago now I came to own a house that was a wreck inside. I took it down to the studs, down to the skeleton, down to almost nothing, and built it back again, with my very own hands.

And I didn’t do it alone.

Imagine being in your bed, with your eyes closed, knowing that if you opened them you’d be surrounded.

By the ghosts of Home Depot days gone by.

It used to frighten me so much that it took almost a half a bottle of Tequila to shut them up.

I’m not proud of that, but well, that’s how it went down.

•••••••

Laughing in this house means more to me than you can ever know.

And that’s the reason I celebrate every single thing that makes me smile.

Worse things than that will happen to me someday.

That’s how it works.

But for now, please don’t tell anyone that I don’t own this record.

Just make a joke and show me that video you made in college instead. ♥

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