September 28, 2011 – Song 329 (Day 37)

I woke up the other day longing for the Winter.

Like not the good part even. The empty, silent, when you have almost had too much, spend your days hibernating and planning your escape from the Midwest, sunless, barren, middle earth part.

That stretch when the snow has gone gray and it seems like it’s dark all day.

Well, I guess that is it. I am officially a nut.

I actually woke up that day thinking about something else too.

It’s so lame I hesitate to write it even. That’s a laugh.

I was contemplating The Facebook Me Vs. The Twitter Me. I kept thinking about the difference in the ways people interact with me or what people can see. There are people who know me in person. And there are people who know me only on here. Some people know me in every way and there are also people who I am friends with on Twitter and I can’t even tell if they are a boy or a girl. Some are just robots even.

Some people who literally used to wipe my butt and some people I no longer speak to in person.

It’s weird right?

I heard something the other day about a friend I love that I fucking hate. In fact, I still have a hard time believing they actually once upon a time did this thing. But all signs point to it being the case. It is so out of their character in a way that it almost seems like they had to do it somehow.

Like it was out of their control. Like if they didn’t do this awful thing then something else, that had been brewing, something that needed to fall apart somewhere, wouldn’t have happened.

As if it was a part they had to play.

Or maybe I am just a mental baby and I have to think up weird explanations so I don’t have to face the fact that people just do really shitty ass things sometimes and we never get any smarter. Myself included.

••••••

This last weekend my friend Mere was freaking herself out by guessing where things were in my Mother’s kitchen. They are both Libras. And they act like it to.

I just sat there watching her opening cabinets and say things like, “Yup. There’s the Soft Scrub. Exactly what I would buy and exactly where I would put it. Oh good and there is the sponge that is just for the Soft Scrub riiiight next to it. Now how about the baking sheets? Yup. Not to far from the oven but closer to the…”

If it makes you feel any better I think your similar heights as human beings are also a factor. Shelf wise.

And if that don’t work maybe this here jar of Dilly Beans will do the trick? ♥

Lately I have been wondering if we find these people out there, not just our Mothers or our Fathers but other people too. Like a repeating play but with different words and different people but the exact same High School Drama Club all over again. We just don’t want to believe that is all there is.

Or maybe that’s liberating.

Like, this is as dumb as high school. Your life, right now, is as silly then as it is silly now. Somebody just told you it wasn’t. Sure you learn things with experience, but you could still get hit by a bus. Tomorrow.

So just do whatever. And try not to be a jerk. Someday you will have to look back on now too and you will cringe at the things you have done. And all the things you haven’t.

Maybe we never really get any older, it just gets harder and harder to forget to remember.

•••••••

I have known my Mother since my beginning of days and I am well aware of how annoying I am.

So, I have long been giving her “presents” to make up for it.

And now I am compelled to give another Libra a present for the same exact reason.

You’d think I would just stop being annoying instead.

But I just don’t think it is in the cards. ♥

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