April 20, 2011 – Song 167

If you don’t feel it, then you don’t know what it feels like.

Song 167.

There was a time, when I would lay on the floor of my living room, in the dark, filling the ashtray with cigarettes. I would only get up to lift the needle on this record to play this song, Song One, Side One, over and over again.

For hours.

It felt so good to think that someone in the world felt as bad as me, if not worse.

I mean, I didn’t write a fucking song about it or anything.

But then, one day, that time passed. And this song lost it’s power for me.

I still love it, and I still find it beautiful. But I don’t know what that feeling is anymore.

I am glad I spent that time alone. Even though I didn’t really realize how important that was at the time. I know now, that I needed to. Otherwise, I would have tried to hand that feeling to someone else. Because who wants to hold on to that?

No one.

But that’s not fair. And also, it doesn’t work like that.

If you try it that way, you’ll only plant yourself a complicated garden of shit.

Worse than the first.

Trust me on this one.

Until your sad songs lose the feeling and the words lose their meaning.

Alone.

Until you are ok again. ♥

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