April 9, 2011 – Song 156

How do you not see it? How! Seriously?

Sometimes, I get mad because I just don’t fucking understand.

It’s right there. Right the fuck there. Always.

And you can look right at if you want.

It’s a gift and it’s a curse. It’s this stupid life. Your life. Everyone’s life.

I never go to a party in my old apartment without having a moment. And dear God, I am already so behind. Eli & Missy you’re so in here. So totally in here. I just have to pause where I do. It’s my thing. 


I have a childhood friend that… I have only the fondest memories of. Not only were we friends but I spent a lot of time with her family which was only enhanced by their home’s proximity to my Grandparent’s house.

I’m not gonna get into one thousand things, because I surely could. Instead, I have no idea how to say it other than simple. They were and are a delightfully odd band of folks, who I’m sure had their misunderstandings and hardships between them. But there was always so much love in that house it was unescapable. And although I have a brother that I also love, it was the first time I got to see, on account of my female friend, how two boys do it. Her younger brothers. Wrestling constantly, breaking vases and punching holes in walls. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes on accident. It is what is I guess. Boys.


Many years ago, there was a tragedy in Chicago. A back porch collapsed and injured many people. It also took some lives. Would you believe that apartment belonged to the middle kangaroo of my friend? And that both she and her youngest brother were also there? At the party, together? Because they, even as adults, still hung out.

I could say a million things right now, details about any of them. But all I will say instead is that one of them had just left the party when it happened. And one of them had both of their legs broken in the fall.

And one of them, maybe the sweetest one of them in fact, is no longer here.

Remind me again what is such a problem, about anything?

Sorry to let you down, I just can’t help it.

I guess I just keep fucking forgetting to fucking care.

Just try being thankful instead.

It will change your whole Universe.

I promise. 1♥ and just the 1 life.

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