Monthly Archives: March 2011

March 24, 2011 – Song 140

Still gets a *sigh* Song 140.

My first year in college I spent most of my free time either at the Fireside Bowl or in the dorm room directly below mine. That was the year that Trainspotting (the movie) came out and everyone was bananas for the soundtrack. Including me and my roommate. We literally spent days downstairs dancing to The Underworld with our new friends from down under.

One of the guys in that room was the first openly gay person I had ever known. Although that didn’t seem to stop either my roommate or I from developing massive crushes on him. Semi-Competitive crushes even, which is so stupid because the dude was so gay. Super gay even. But still we would get really jealous over him. It was actually kind of a problem for a bit between us. But then the downstairs dance parties got more and more popular and there were more girls around. He was a REALLY good dancer. And well, we might never figure out which one of us he liked better, but we sure as shit weren’t gonna share him with any other bitches. Teamwork!

A lot of my other “more punk” friends couldn’t understand why we liked hanging out in the dorms so much, but to this day those were some of the most intense dance parties I have ever attended.

We would cram into that dorm room and dance until we were dripping with sweat. I have never been into any kind of sport that did that kind of thing to me. On more than one occasion I even remember dropping to my knees. And not on purpose. At some point during the year, someone got the double Best of New Order CD. And that was the end of it. From then on we only went upstairs to get more drinks.

I know that it doesn’t exactly sound religious but it felt better than anything I had ever experienced in an actual church, although, I do appreciate that works for other people. But what’s weird, is that I think the reason I can appreciate that it can work in other ways is because I found the way that it works for me.

Do you know what? Not to sound like a dick but I kind of think if you don’t appreciate that it works all kinds of ways then your way isn’t actually working. Like at all.

Maybe you broke it? Or maybe somebody else broke it for you? Don’t worry though. I bet it can be fixed. Most things can. At least most things that are worth keeping. ♥

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March 23, 2011 – Song 139

I heard Nancy Wilson once talking about how when she first got her guitar she would sleep with it at night and wake up with the fret board imprinted on her face. I like to think about that when I think of things that are awesome. Song 139.

I don’t know if there has ever been a better example of fashion do’s and don’ts all mushed together.

I’m looking at you nipples.

Actually I’m not.

Wait, oh shit, I totally am!

Here’s something else awesome that a 4th grade girl taught me today: 

Did you know that a little girl named Ayokeh helped her father Sequoyah develop the written language that the Cherokee people use to this day? Unable to find people willing to learn the syllabary, he taught it to his daughter Ayokeh, and then traveled to present-day Arkansas where some Cherokee had settled. When he tried to convince the local leaders of the syllabary’s usefulness, they doubted him, believing that the symbols were merely reminders. Sequoyah asked each of them to say a word, which he wrote down, and then called his daughter in to read the words back.

This story made my young friend’s heart explode.

And that exploded mine. ♥

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March 22, 2011 – Song 138

Oh dear God Gwen Lemos. You are like the perfect storm. Song 138.

The entire inspiration for my year long quest was born inside a night I spent next to you and next to music. A strange trip I started that you didn’t even know about until tonight.

I asked you to text me the name of a song because even as I half heartedly tried to explain what’s been happening my mind was already made up that tomorrow was your call.

If I ever doubted that all I had to do was listen then I am nothing more than a fool.

Just so you know, it took all of my will power to not know the song until right now.

And all I can say is, as cryptic as it might seem, the Cube just took the Sphere.

Touche babe. Touche. ♥

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March 21, 2011 – Song 137

I sing the first couple lines of this song to my dog Levee all the time.

I was trying to think of why the other day but I couldn’t.

But today the thunder started and I remembered. Song 137.

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March 20, 2011 – Song 136

“I ain’t even here Sergent. I’m in Cheyenne Wyoming.”

Song 136.

“One morning, over at Elizabeth’s beach house, she asked me if I’d rather go water-skiing or lay out. And I realized that not only did I not want to answer THAT question, but I never wanted to answer another water-sports question, or see any of these people again for the rest of my life.”

-Anthony in “Bottle Rocket”*

It’s weird having traveled a bit and having seen some things to then have the situation reversed upon you. Now I am the one who has house guests tucked safely in bed. But it would seem that you can go on just as big of a trip by simply staying put.

And also, there is nothing better than getting to quote Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when you get to know the partner of someone you have known forever.

“You have chosen wisely.”

And double also, I was pretty sure I liked you already but with “I Google image searched uncircumcised penises before I went to college just in case it came up.” you have endeared me to not only your heart but your bizarre mind forever.

•••••••

I went nuts once. But I did it semi quietly. It was my second year in college and I had transferred from Film School to DePaul. To study Philosophy. But it wasn’t right. I wasn’t right. And I didn’t know how to fix it. Or change it. Or even say it out loud. So, instead, I just stopped. Although, it took a while for anyone to notice that I had stopped showing up to class. I’d go to campus, but I wouldn’t go to where I was supposed to. Instead, for almost two weeks straight, I crossed the street instead to the movie theater made famous by the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and watch “Rushmore” by myself. In the day. Alone. Sometimes more than once.

Were you in the shit?

It was a weird thing to do. And it was a very childish and selfish and wasteful thing to do. But that’s what I did. And it was even weirder to explain, more than a decade later, to very old friend, just how it went down. I don’t really know what else to say but…Surprise! So that’s how that happened.

•••••••

It was a long walk home. And we will probably always argue. And yet we will probably always be friends. And when I want to throttle you I will always think fondly of the time that the rat backed up out of the garbage can and touched your hand with it’s butt. And I will never fail to remind you that you screamed like a girl. Because that my friend is what friends are for.

It was a pleasure having you, both. You make the world better by being together. And whether you believe me or not, in my mind, that, right there, is more than enough. So quit worrying already.

•••••••

“I always wanted to be in one of your fucking plays.”

“I know you did mate.”

*That’s an excerpt from a story for another day entirely.

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March 19, 2011 – Song 135

Oh shit The Universe.

Well played.

So extremely well played. Song 135.

A guest in my car today said something about the cars of people who have made certain lifestyle choices. People who in one way or another have dedicated a good portion of their life to music. He said it’s funny because their cars are almost always the same. An old scrappy little guy full of CDs and tapes, both new and old, flyers and drive thru remnants (just so we’re square, I SO cleaned my car this morning) because at some point they just decided what was important for them and so the faucet is always on. Dripping. And due to that, they can only be so clean.

All I could think to say was “You should see my apartment.”

••••••

Earlier, in a significantly more overwhelming situation all I could think to say to a huge crowd of people was. “Ok. This is a little bit nuts. But let’s all just be really nice and this should go great.” Vague right? But that’s exactly what happened. Everyone was polite. And everyone was happy. And I have never had more people say thank you to me in my life.

I don’t think there is any way that I can say thank you enough.

••••••

Later, after all the excitement, I ended up saying something totally random to my friend Mere that as it spilled out of my mouth I couldn’t help but be surprised by. I was telling her that I sometimes feel like there is a little bird in a little wooden cage inside my chest flapping like a maniac because it is injured. And it keeps me up at night because I don’t know what to do. Some days I want to help it and some days I want to drown it in the sink.

And some days are just better than others, for no reason I can figure. Sometimes that stupid bird just seems to be feeling better on it’s own. And sometimes it’s for long enough that I forget it was sick in the first place. But some days it chirps and struggles for hours. And sometimes I just throw a blanket over it so that it thinks it’s dark outside and goes to sleep. But sometimes it just flaps and flaps pathetically no matter what I try and do.

I now think what really has to happen is that I have to slowly and patiently creep up on it with a little splint made out of teeny tiny things, like toothpicks and cottonballs.

And I have to gently tape it’s injured wing back together without waking it.

It’s like playing a game of Operator on a live animal, with a heartbeat twice the speed of your own.

But even if that works, I know that doesn’t mean it’s over.

Then I just have to wait. And I can’t leave it’s side.

Otherwise, it might wake up and be afraid that it’s alone.

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March 18, 2011 – Song 134

Field trip! Song 134.

Tonight was my friend’s birthday. And, oh man, his karaoke spot was pretty damn hot.

I saw more girls kill it tonight then I have ever seen.

So many in fact, it was hard to pick a jam.

But as it goes, on my very best days, this one picked itself.

The night before last I ended up in a discussion with my girls about how shitty girls can be. Ourselves included. But at least, we respect the Girl Code. It blows my mind that there are still ladies afoot who don’t. By the way, if you ever meet a lady who says she “Doesn’t get along with women.” than there is something wrong with her. Don’t believe me? Just wait. You’ll find out eventually.

Here’s something amazing a friend posted recently that blew my whole mindhole.

Types of Bitches.

Funnily enough, a good portion of the conversation that night revolved around Junior High bitches. Fucking Brutal.

It was cathartic to talk about how petty and awful a lot of that long ago crap was. It seems silly, but that bullshit travels with you. The insecurities you form in those seemingly insignificant moments can last a lifetime. But what’s really funny, is that during the conversation, one person kept popping into my head.

When I first met her, her name was Laura.

I went to school with a very delightfully odd girl named Laura. She ALWAYS marched to the beat of her own drummer. I wish I could say that I recognized how awesome that was at the time. But I didn’t. I knew I liked it, but I have to admit, I was too concerned with feeling like I fit in to appreciate it properly. When we were eleven or so she decided to change her name to Alaethia. Why? I’m not sure. But she simply never answered to the name Laura again. And I have never forgotten her. In fact, when I think about all the stupid little things that made me feel embarrassed or weird growing up, she often pops into my mind. Like the other night. I’d give my left nut to go back in time and to have said it out loud. Because I was thinking of her. It would have put a real cherry on the strange sunday. And by sunday, I mean Thursday night.

Telling those stories and realizing that everybody has them still lodged all up in their ether, somewhere, makes you think about the way you wish you could have been. But even Cher can’t turn it back.

Just so you know, Alaethia…I always thought you were a complete and total badass.

Godspeed in New York, and I look forward to seeing you again.

But this time let’s not wait 15 years. ♥ Truth.

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