March 3, 2011 – Song 119

I have insomnia. I think? Kinda sort of? Either that or my muse is a regular night owl with a real asshole sense of humor.

Did Seattle seriously call out Chicago, out of nowhere, in the middle of the goddamned night? Yeah, well right back at you. ♥

Song 119.

I don’t sleep like a normal lady so much right now. Lately I’ve been falling asleep on the couch at elementary school bedtimes like 7pm. But then I wake up, usually because my neck hurts and my bra is digging into my side, and then I can’t …fall back asleep until like 3 or 4 in the morning. It is what it is I guess. They say you should get eight hours right? Do they mean like in a row?

Sometimes I power through and stay up until adult bedtime. And sometimes it’s fine. But many nights I just lay there like a jackass trying to think about really, really boring stuff. But I usually start thinking about interesting stuff instead. I try to stop and channel mind numbing things like remembering the elements of the Periodic Table, but it always leads somewhere else. And not necessarily to good stuff, by any means, but interesting stuff nonetheless. But then it’s game over. I’m up. I’m back upright and it’s the WORST. Because I’ll be up forever and now I don’t even have a power nap under my belt. It’s like tripping, but less funny and with less candy. And there’s no one to talk to.

And when you do fall asleep you don’t dream. At least I don’t.

Anyway, I had been better, for weeks. Close to regular. Like 3/4 of a prunes way. And then out of nowhere, Blammo. No dice.

For the last week I was like that Pigpen dude from Peanuts. I just couldn’t shake my dirt cloud. I tried to go over it. I tried to go around it. I even tried dancing my way through. But it was a losing battle, and a waste of time. So last night on the couch I decided I wasn’t going to stop thinking no matter what I did. So I gave in. And decided to just sit there in the particle storm instead. But I figured I might as well do something with my hands. So I started updating my blog. That’s right, all of this nonsense isn’t just out there for people I actually know. I’m also a friend to strangers, as it would seem.

Around 3am someone knocked on my door. A neighbor, with car trouble–and if the trade booth at Reckless has taught me anything, also a drug problem. My light was the only one on I guess. I ended up giving them $19 to get “something” fixed. I figured they needed it more than me one way or the other. And then my phone rang.

I guess you really do just have to ride that wave. Even when it smells like shit. If you don’t, well, than you’ll just have to swim in it that much longer. Or something worse. Like shit sharks.

So last night I gave up. And guess what I got in return? Surprises. Nice ones. Even though I think I might be out $19.

But do you know what I am in? My PJs. Goodnight.

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