I woke up today in a real crap ass mood.
Sometimes, you’ll have that. Right?
I have dreamed of living in California since I remember dreaming of stuff. All day today I kept trying to remember (all the while manning the GPS as The Two Dummies in a funny car dragged a Uhaul all over Los Angeles) what the first real nail was…The Monkees? The Fresh Prince? The Graduate? The Brady Bunch? Taylor’s junior high obsession with The Doors?* Green Day? Point Break? Suburbia? No Doubt? Cometbus? Bill & Ted? Man, who even knows? I mean fuck, even Laverne and Shirley left Milwaukee. Wait…what?
Honestly, I think I might have just been born this way. Or at least born into it.**
Helping a friend search for apartments in beautiful Venice, California today, one of which was stupid, and I mean STUPID small, but was literally five steps from the beach, I realized why I’m in a crappy mood.
I am jealous.
Even if, and maybe more importantly if, it’s just in a little kid kind of way. A sunshine filled pack up all your junk and just GO kinda way. But today, standing there in the sand, I felt something in my guts that simply cut me in two.
This is not where I am supposed to be.
At least not right now.
Somehow, I have never been happier in Chicago. Song 98.
But you better look out Sweet Caroline.*** I’m gonna visit the living shit out of you.
*The tale I can tell that involves Taylor and California is a whole other story.
**I have also decided that meditation is best saved for a later date. The house I grew up in deserves more than a paragraph. It also deserves pictures. Neither of which I can provide at the moment. It is that amazing/ridiculous. Totally nautical dude.
***Today Caroline said something about feeling like a vessel. Like it’s the best feeling in the world in a way to just sort of open and let what ever it is fill you up so you can have the distinct pleasure of choosing how to spit it back out. Even though sometimes it tastes bad. Like crap ass to be exact.
It is what it is I guess. But in the flatlands I come from, a vessel has always been a boat.