Ok. So it could be worse. Caroline and I could be stuck on the side of the road “eating crumbs out of the cup holder” and posting our dying words as status updates instead of cursing the vending machine for refusing to relinquish it’s pop tarts and arguing over which Karate Kid has Hillary Swank in it.
Oh Lord, stuck in Lebanon, MO. Song 90.
Caroline and her sister used to jam out to that tape (it turns out that actual copy of that tape) on their way to high school. One morning they were so into it from the get go (title track, song one, side one people) that her sister backed right into the delivery guy parked in their driveway.
He got out and yelled “Didn’t you hear me!? I was honking! A LOT!”
Later in the day a creepy dude at the gas station told us the Highway in Oklahoma was closed in a way that skeeved us out so badly we actually went farther than we probably would have if his info didn’t feel less like a fact and more like a proposition. “You girls should hunker down somewhere. There’s a place up the road. I can pay for it if you don’t have the means.”
I actually made a joke while cleaning the ice off Caroline’s windshield wipers about that dude actually being right (IT WAS NOT SNOWING AT THE TIME) “Instead watch the two dummies go on the highway jamming out to George Michael.”
Watch the two dummies hold hands like Thelma and Louise as their car slides off the road. Watch the two dummies get laughed at by the tow truck guy who can barely walk himself with out slipping across the icy highway. Watch the two dummies drive 20 miles in TWO HOURS to the next exit escorted by a real sweetie from the highway patrol who also thought the signs should say something less like “Avoid Unnecessary Travel” and more like “Seek Shelter Humans”. Kisses Tyler. What a Gentleman. (That’s like a Ladydude, but for guys.)
Poor Caroline had to pee the entire time and at one point said,
“I wish I had a dick.”
For some reason in my head I thought she meant like a guy to deal with the shitty situation. I said so and she responded,
“Oh, no, not like, for protection. I just want to pee in that cup.”
Faith, circa 1987. Caroline in High School, circa 1997.