I spent a lot of time yesterday typing stories by nine year olds into Word.
In one story a little girl not only says that the bad guys, Bill and Chris, “put ON a fire” in a big hole that they dug “in the middle of nothing” but she goes on to explain that the beast of the tale, The Undertaker, was something our heros, The Zebra-Human Brothers, “couldn’t eat or defeat.”
Either I am tripping or that shit is profound.
Don’t get worried though. Later in the story the Zebra-Human Brothers call in Shaun White who brainwashes the beast with skateboarding and then commands it to throw the bad guys all the way to Antarctica.
“Then all of them did the moonwalk for getting Victory.”
Fuck yeah they did kiddo. Song 34.
I’m not even going to get into the next tale I typed about Cinderella’s even more abused sister Vinny who cures her Grandmother’s deathbed ailments with Wasabi. But let’s just say that it all takes place in Hawaii and Vinny has many, many more dates with Roy the Chihuahua/Taco Vendor even though he isn’t really that big of a fan of raw fish.
And mean old Cinderella? Well, her life goes from “the life” to “the life that went down the trash”
Oops. I swore against it but it looks like I am once again i n l o v e.
What else can I say but, Calgon, take me away.